“Can you help me?” a woman whispers during the intermission. “There’s a person in this room I despise so much that I can’t even look at him.”
I inquire, “Do you want the ‘fix-it,’ approach, the easy-to-do-but-won’t-really-change-anything answer…or do you want the transformational, hard-to-do-but-I’m-serious-about-changing solution?”
She’s desperate, and is ready to get past this barrier once and for all.
“Every time you think of him, identify and focus on a quality of his character that you admire or respect.”
She looks at me with horror.
“You said you were serious.” You said you knew you had to change before they would change.
Great teams don’t magically appear or form because we like everyone we work with. They occur when people have the courage to take the extraordinary action of leading themselves first.
What level do you want your team to play at? And what do you have to change in your actions to get them there?
Bonus: A friend, celebrating his wife’s 60th birthday, spent weeks identifying the 60 qualities of his wife he loved most – all for the purpose of writing them in a gift journal. “It was a transformational experience,” he said. “Recording what I admired most made the idea of focusing forward actionable. I wasn’t just thinking about my wife, I was actively identifying and seeking more reasons why I love her.”
It’s not a coincidence: Leaders who have mastered how they see their world are better at leading in it.
Where’s your focus this week? What difference will that make? Share more below.
Each and every one of us are unique in personalities. Realizing and admitting that none of us are perfect is the first step. Second step is always look for the good traits in someone and focus on that. It is like the old adage, always look at the glass as half full. Look for the good in people and what value they can add.
Susan, I appreciate your comment and how “glass half full” also applies to our relationships vs. just objects or situations. We must hold ourselves — and others — in Degrees of Strength.