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I’d rather walk on broken glass with bare feet than work with him. You couldn’t get me to say more than two words to him. He’s impossible.
A short blog won’t cure pain. An invitation to a paradigm shift, however, might advance a more productive approach.
If I think the loser or bad guy on the team is the cause of all the crud in my day (he’s a real “low road” specialist), and I’m not careful when I’m in his presence, my behavior is likely to – you guessed it – mirror his.
I rationalize, “Why would I give him my best effort if he’s not giving me his?”
This is when toxicity accelerates: My behavior then only confirms for him what he’s been thinking: I’m the one who’s pathetic – not him. This evidence allows him to justify his poor behavior towards me.
This, in turn, validates my belief system about him. And the cycle of co-career crudiness continues.
Of course, there may be only one person in this scenario who’s even aware we’re on the ”low road.” (Which begs a lesson in logic: Why am I attempting to teach him a lesson by modeling what I don’t want him to do to me?)
Suffering a poor relationship with a colleague is a choice. Accountability isn’t easy, but it’s an important step in taking the responsibility we know we must model.
What’s your next move?
Craig – do you have a suggestion to deal with this behavior there are a few folks that consistently take the low road (Hard Core Low Road)?
I’m not surprised by your question, Barry (and grateful for it). ‘A’ Players get that “it begins with me” ….and then seek ways to go from there.
There are a lot of variables, of course. The nature of others’ low road actions determine our response. For now, consider using what we call “The High Performance Strategy” – portions of which include: 1) Validate current status of relationship with that person (your perspective), 2) Share what’s important to you to see in behavior or relationship moving forward. 3) Share why that’s important, and 4) Solicit their perspective by asking a co-discover question.
Not easy. Takes courage. And it’s not a magic wand. (But it beats the alternative: Doing nothing.)
Thanks for leading forward, Barry –
Craig
Barry, It’s great to see your question! I respect how you continue to take in a variety of information, and in fact solicit it, in order to activate potential no matter what the circumstances. You’ll recognize the I2I tool in what Craig refers to as the High Performance Strategy.
I’m looking forward to seeing you and the team very soon.
Sue