Are you ready?
If you take action, people will believe they understand – and they will judge you. Biases and personal agendas mean they may even criticize you with seeming venom.
“You’re wrong,” they’ll shout. “You’re making a mistake and you’ll pay!”
But they don’t know what you know, do they?
In this moment, there’s a lot at stake. How inspired and creative and innovative we’ll be, and the stress levels we’ll experience, all depend on this:
Do you still respect them?
When being judged by others, some return the vitriolic volley; they dismiss the accuser as a lunatic or clearly not as wise as they. Such an approach means we must operate in increasingly smaller circles. (The ‘if-you’re-not-with-me-you’re-against-me’ approach means we’ll eventually run out of people who are willing to be with us.)
It’s the other sort of leader, however, that influences future results most effectively: They acknowledge the difference of opinion, forgive the attacker of their communication style and judgments, and stay focused on a virtuous outcome.
We do not incur an emotional tax or ruined results when we discover conflict with another; the toll comes from thinking we have to win and prove our attackers are the villain or anything less than we.
The course of staying true to a vision, of stepping up, speaking out, and leading will cause us to be targets of judgment and criticism. Yet, usually there are few villains. Mostly, there are passionate people with diverse ways of living and leading.
The moment we realize we all want the same thing we usually get it faster.
The moment we get defensive or return in kind is the moment we, and our company, lose(s). It takes the focus off of the real goal (getting to the best practice, solution, etc.) and makes it all about you. It becomes not points to evaluate for truth and value, but rather a self-protection that is based in fear and / or pride. Being led by fear or pride will disable us from objective evaluation of the content of the feedback and therefore will cause us to respond in ways that negatively impact the culture of our team rather than drive productivity through elevating culture and focusing on achieving the best outcome. By seeing the detractor with patience, compassion and as one who potentially be saving you from missing something of significance, we can both build culture by responding with kindness, respect and wisdom and drive to the best result for our company by focusing on the real objective(s).
This is the reality behind these scenarios. The question is what resources do you have to achieve the above? Are you willing and able to put others, and the company, above your own ambitions, fears and self-image?
James is onto THE key to securing the moment and getting the right focus for the good of the company, the detractor, and ourselves. ASK a question. Consider the biggest question you can ask is “which part of their view is correct?” “is it hurtful because it is right – or is it my feelings getting hurt?”
Only the bravest of the brave seize the moment and decide to command their thoughts and actions in a way that builds.
I like what James wrote – he’s onto something.
Either you define the moment or the moment defines you!
The real skill is what James and Brett have already written. We need to put fear and pride aside and really listen to what people are saying so we can get both of us to our objectives. The comments here are great. Keep it up I learn something every time I read them.